Growing Up

Here I am again, been reflecting for this whole week about growing up, those growing pains.  I am currently drinking a Caramel Latte from Starbucks with  some whip cream and extra caramel.  Life has been a whirlwind, in May marked my one year from college graduation.  Here I am with a full time job at a church, working with kids, which was not my plan at all.   I planned to be helping homeless people, being in Chi-town, having my own apartment, going to a different church, being independent.  Well here I am, I'm not a loser, but I am frustrated, I have had many job interviews, some good, some bad, some interesting.  Only probably 3 out of 10 I actually felt passionate about.  But I went through all, probably could have had 2 or 3.  And here I am, letting it all go to God, He's going to open the right doors at the right time.

I love the kids I work with, and can say I survived the early shift (6AM - 2PM) every Monday through Friday.  I am such a night owl, I learned that much, thank God that this week my boss had a great idea for the summer to switch me to be an assistant for Kind/1st Grade that is from 9AM to 6PM.  I have been working with Preschoolers, and man they took all my energy, all the patience, and a lot of love.  I have loved designing my classroom, having fun with the kids.  I learned I am terrible with Discipline, I'm more the laid back, I have my rules, but I'm not strict, I actually encourage kids to be crazy and free.  I had to do lesson planning with themes, and stations, and man I learned whew, this job is not my calling.  I knew it since the beginning but when you realize you love and have a passion for homeless men more than preschoolers, you know what you want to do.  Imagine this, I did have a lot of temper tantrums, run aways, spitters, whiners, so needless to say I love all these kids, but I just don't have the patience or the energy, teachers, I respect you a lot more now.

I'm still looking for Social Work jobs, networking, resume editing, and figuring out where I can fit in Chicago.  I know that is where I am going, I am just connecting the pieces to get there.  Right now my goal is to finish through August at my current job and hopefully find a Social Work oriented job by then,  or pick my favorite retails store and get a full time job doing retail.  I am also going to work on applying for my Masters' Degree in Social Work, specifically at University of Illinois at Chicago.  I have learned to network in a big city where you have never lived or networked, it is quite the job, so my goal is to move out to a house/studio by September, get a job, and LEARN TO FLY!

All the while I have been volunteering/doing ministry at my home church of 20 years.  Which is also a challenge because it's great to be back, but there's barely any people my age there, and the ones that were, we have changed seasons and are no longer a part of each others lives.  So I've been praying to God to give me direction, where to go, and just trusting Him step by step.

Growing up is fun.  I  am also about to finance my own car, get my own cell phone plan, and jump right into independence.  Woo!  Growing up is something I've learned that to start fully reliant on God in all areas, family, relationships, financial, everything is the best way.   I've had to defer loans, and God has provided at all times.  I was definitely freaked out.  But God always gives you some way to do the right thing and to have peace at all times.  God has also given me amazing friends, in co-workers, in old friends, in college friends that are all around the country, and most of all God is my best friend and through Him I can conquer anything, any weakness, any trial.  It might take time, patience, and being still and waiting, but if you can learn how to do that in the beginning, the better your foundation will be, and the more you will get used to having the peace of God amidst a chaotic and changing world :)

One blessing out of all this mess is I have grown in my persona.  I have seen some really rough parts of myself to work on, I have learned what it means to lose almost everything.  I have really learned what God's purpose  for me is, and that He loves me regardless of anything I do.  I also gained a new best friend, Alvaro Perez, we have been dating for 5 months, and he's been such a blessing to share life with, the ups and downs, grow together, laugh together, cry together, get a little crazy together, and just to have adventures.  I am so thankful to God for all I have.  I don't understand God's timing but I know it's perfect, way better than anything I could have ever planned.

 

I've also been living in my childhood home, which we are about to leave to move into an apartment, and soon after I'll be moving out and be out of my mom's roof.  As I've sat here, thought about the memories, life comes and goes fast, it just keeps going.  Things happen. People pass.  Circumstances change.  But one thing I am thankful I've had all my life, is my God, who provides in all times, and He knows exactly what I need at what times.  I've never been left alone.

So if there's anything I could say about growing up, is it's an adventure, it's all about jumping out of the nest, or rocking the boat.  And giving your try at what you think you can give to this world.  It's also about defining your purpose  in this world.  I am blessed to say, regardless of what job I do, regardless of where I live, whatever situations I am in, God wants me to be a light, to have joy at all times, and rest in His peace, that He's got me in the palm of His hands.

My purpose isn't in what I do (Which is funny cause I'm a doer, I like to constantly be actively doing something)  it's how my heart is, if I have God in my life, if I have Him in the center, all other things will be added unto me, a job, what I need, who I need in my life.  God knows everything before we do it, so what do I have to fear,this life itself is unpredictable, things change constantly, but God is the constant :)

The thing is don't waste your life, trust God, love God, Live, Laugh, and Love, and enjoy every moment, cause each one has an experience, wisdom, or a lesson or memory to be made or learned :)

I want to be free to love the Lord, and live with the joy and peace of God all the days of my life <3