So lately I've been thinking about this life I live as a 20 something. Living in a culture where everyone knows the end is coming so we are told give up everything tonight, because we may not get tomorrow. It is so hard to be in this world but not of it. We have a site set up for us that gives us relationships at a click. We find lovers online instead of meeting face to face and letting life take it's course. We try to plan,schedule, and control everything. For me I remember starting off born into this world my mom tells me I was a good kid, besides throwing away a necklace into the garbage after watching that one Rugrats episode. Even back then media influenced me. Quite ironic that we can say we watch reality shows and not change our own lives. You learn things through this, it slips into your life even if you try, just like you will most likely inherit some traits that your parents have. But growing up I would always just play outside for hours, dawn to dusk (even sometimes in the dark) I wouldn't even think about what I was missing with my family, other friends. I was focused on kicking that soccer ball, or trying to fish the kickball out of the lagoon right next to the park. When is the last time we dropped the cell phone, turned it off, turned off our computer and focused the attention on the present. But then as I grew up life got busy, but what's funny is that people would make fun of my voice, people actually would say I sounded like a boy. It hurt me back then but even back then I tried to be laid back and let things roll of my shoulders. Then it affected me, I just didn't acknowledge it. Because until high school I was pretty quiet and only talked to the people at my youth group, besides a few.
I was simple, people knew I went to church, and I played tennis and did ok in school. Little did I know people thought things of me and talked about me, because a guy in my english class senior year asked me if I was lesbian because I had never dated. I told him of course not but there hadn't been any guys good enough for me at Round Lake High School. Back then and even today I am waiting, I'm not fooling around. But even then I did not worry about it because I focused on living my life for God, being at church, and that's all that mattered. Then I got accepted to college, started focusing on that, losing a little focus but not too much. But around last few years of high school I started singing on the worship team at church, then I kept it going, singing, playing piano, and then picking up the guitar. But I still remembered that time when someone told me I sounded like a man. It still haunted me. But this is what is funny God can take anything.
Another thing I'd love to share with you is that my family is a very secretive one. They make a mistake, they can't live with it, they get over it, but then they hide it, never ridding themselves of the shame that keeps them in bondage. That's why I was more quiet and reserved back then. I was taught to be quiet, not share, and never speak of the shameful things. God broke that cycle in me, I went off to college, and I think the truth is very important in being a leader or even leading people to God. I started to tell people the story of my family and where I am from. Somehow God had saved me and made me into this strong woman of God through sharing that. Sharing your story gives people hope, it brings you freedom. So I say give it to God, but let that help other people as well as free you of your shame. You can be shackled in secrecy. I am not saying you have to be open about everything. But don't hide. In the end, you want to be free and if your story can give other people hope and the God we serve, and we see them in our treasure in heaven. Isn't that what matters. God can take anything when you are following Him in surrender and make it work for the good. He has this plan, and He knows every move you are going to make. You could do anything, He still has a love for you that no, no one, nothing can love you as much. So let me share this with you. You are beautiful, handsome, regardless of your past, your family's generational curses. You can be free if you let God take them and share them for God's glory, not your own. God can do miracles and change lives with the story if you would just let it go, and let Him use it. I want to encourage you to keep striving for a life of integrity, love and faith. In the end, God is all that matters to me. A song I want you all to check out is GO by Hillsong United. It's my life's anthem right now. God can use you, your story, your life, your mistakes, your family's past, and He makes it all new, if you give your life to Him. I would say that is a pretty good trade. Just want to encourage ya'll if you are going through a hard time with hiding something from somebody or feel like you cannot talk to anyone. God will help you, tell Him, but don't be held back by what you have done, it is a waste of a life.
- Heather Cheryl Craig
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