29 years young until next year. A woman. An educated Bachelors in Social Work graduate. A city of Chicago dweller, which means, beautiful views and parking tickets ha. A child of God. A daughter. A sister. A half sister. A cousin. A wifey. A mother. A church member. Someone who’s not so good at keeping my sink empty. Someone who tries at organization but ends up procrastinating.
We wear so many hats. Life can feel crazy at points. Or you worry about each different hat, or other voices, or so and so said this. Forget about it.
I love the Lord and gave Him and continue giving Him my heart since I was 4 years old, in the middle of my parents divorcing, gaining a stepfamily very shortly after.
I’ve had to reflect over life recently as my father passed at 49 years. It is so hard. But praise the Lord, I had hashed things out with my dad over the years. I set boundaries, I confronted him in my college years as I was a social work major so I learned some things I had never put to practice and wanted to. And it wasn’t easy and AT THE MOMENT. People didn’t agree. They said you’re a horrible daughter, you shouldn’t do that, he’s your father. But the finished result, it was beautiful. Because with my father I grew and understood my father was the biggest challenge and unconditional love that ONLY God could groom me and train me how to love him. And as I look back, especially the last 5 years as I became a wife and mother, my dad and I grew closer as he became a Grandfather.
It’s funny how roles, titles, and responsibilities change us and push us.
My mom has pictures of her grandchildren as she’s been a grandma as well to push her and motivate her to be the hard worker she is. My dad was as well. Extremely hardworking.
But what motivates me, these titles, roles, of course they do. They are challenging roles. But what keeps me balanced. MY LOVE FOR THE LORD AND submitting and surrendering EVERY SINGLE THING TO HIM!
Ha. That doesnt even mean I’m perfect because I’ve made huge mistakes but I DONT STICK THERE. I ask God for forgiveness, He grants me grace and pushes me forward, not me, not my anger, not my shame, not my embarrassment. None of that could even help me, it would just make me bitter and even if I did move forward would help, it would only be a mirage. Because underneath if you don’t have the Lord, you could burn a letter with the thing you have inside your heart, you could take a class and punch a bag, you could dance it off, you could drink your pain away, you could do drugs, you could have relationship after relationship, but all it does, it hides it for awhile but in the end out of your heart, words, actions, it will all RESURFACE. And if you gossip behind closed doors, eventually EVERYTHING COMES TO THE LIGHT. So be wise, take care because every word, every action, every relationship, while it might seem small and for a season, PEOPLE REMEMBER and it impacts others.
And as I looked at my Dads life, he carried so much. But it was too much I feel. And it made me realize how thankful I am that I have the Lord supernaturally working on my behalf for me and even when I’m stubborn or HARD HEADED and it could take years to come to the light with that or even say sorry, but the thing is, with God you can be humbled. He can heal things that you can’t heal yourself. He can help you love the worst enemy in your life, whether big or small.
I’m so thankful that God has blessed me with His grace and a peaceful life. It’s not about the MONEY. It’s not about what people think or listening to the voices. No. It’s about God, who HE MADE YOU TO BE. Cause really without Him I wouldn’t know what to do. Without His Word i wouldn’t know how to be a good daughter, wife, mom, cousin, sister, half sister, friend.
And the battles will come, the storm will rage, and it WILL BE HARD. And it won’t even end sometimes or most times. But with GOD, you will rise above it, even when YOU FEEL HURT, left out, jerked around, gossiped about, weirdly looked at, not welcome, out of place. GOD is with you. Whew. It’s been a month. 2 months oh my goodness to be exact.
God knows everything before it even happens. So my job I had for 1.5 years was great but then got super challenging for a season and I wanted to leave for a year, job hunted for months. It just got to the last straw, and I put my 2 weeks in without knowing what came next.
Little did I know the night before my last day of work (which didn’t happen) my father would pass away and I’d be helping my aunt and uncles plan a funeral and mourn with my sisters and family and go through what seemed like the craziest season, and it still rages on, in different ways. I still have pictures and momentos of my dad in my kitchen and living room. I cry sometimes.
I think how my children won’t get to see him at Christmas and their birthdays which is when we mostly saw him. I’ll think how he won’t get to hold them or tell them silly stories or sit down to a meal. And I cry as I even write this.
I’ll think if I ever have a crazy work story or situation I won’t have my comic relief of my father. I won’t have someone to text for a Bears game or cubs game. Someone to ask about cooking.
But I’m so thankful that God showed me through our relationship that no matter what someone else does or says and sometimes it was very deep and intense hurt, and my sisters experiences even more hurt at points that i did, with God HE CAN HEAL IT. He can take it away and with Jesus in your heart you can continue to love and forgive. Whew.
I’m so thankful to be 29, love coffee, love dancing, blogging, video blogs, take my kids to the park, dates with my hubby, have a wonderful family unified, extended family at peace. And it’s so many roles and sometimes there is hurt and a wide range of emotions and feeling but with God I, you as well can have a balance even in the worst times.
We were blessed to have a family reunion at a Cubs game. And as I sat with my sisters (technically half but I always have called them my sisters and love them so) I missed my dad. His humor, his laugh, his craziness, but I’m so thankful for the peace and joy as we get together and continue to do things he would have loved to do!
God is good, all the time. We are who we are. But don’t let the negative voices get to you, there’s too many opinions out there. Make sure you have good confidants. But number one the Bible, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit is who I highly recommend.
My name is Heather Cheryl Perez. Thank you for reading this! May God bless you and show you who you are truly meant to be! Free in Christ! Nothing, no one, no WORD shall be formed against you! I hope this blessed you today ❤️
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